Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
