Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
