Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My vagina is officially offended.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
