I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Mom said you looked used
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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