running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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