Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize