he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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