smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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