i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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