I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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