i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
