hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
