Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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