It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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