Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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