I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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