listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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