WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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