Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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