census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
where does the pee come out of this thing
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
did i just pee glitter
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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