I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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