Will you blow on my dice?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
