Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
did i walk over a car last night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
