so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just found a bag of teeth...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
