I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
