no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
