when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
