u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
