When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
