Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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