like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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