we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
