At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
