how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
