I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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