party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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