And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
