Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
