I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
