so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
