I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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