apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
