their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
birth control should be required to get into college
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
