so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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