Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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