don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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