I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
