At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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