I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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