you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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