they need to just BURY HIM!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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