Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
