No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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