dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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