i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
