Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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