Duck Duck Cougar?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
