this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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