No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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