if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
