i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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