I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
