Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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