Having a random hookup so left but love u
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
