i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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