I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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